Just one girl trying to not to drop anything too important...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Growing Pains

I am going through some mommy issues, fueled somewhat by lack of sleep and more than average discombobulation this week. I had a self-imposed work deadline on Wednesday - which always tend to coincide with slow computer issues and greater than anticipated work on the proofreading front. So, when 4:20 rolled around and I had to pick up the girls that day, I was already stressed out and not looking to do anything other than scoop up my two little angels, hurry home, plunk them in front of The Little Mermaid and return to work. I grabbed the green paper that was stuck in their attendance folder, and kept going - There are often papers in there, so I was like, "green paper, yada, yada, yada... will just throw it in the car to be discovered next time I clean things out of there..."

So, I go into Ellie's class and Ms Amanda (Ellie's teacher/Maggie's best friend (betrothed)'s mother) is all, "Did you read the paper you have in your hand?" And, I'm like, "What? No, of course not. WHY?" "Because everyone is switching classes as of Monday. We just found out today, too." And she's not very happy because she's not only losing all of her current kids (who are being forwarded on to the Two's room), but also because her son Carter is being moved out of the best room in the world - Ms Cheryl's room - and into a Pre-K class that is not the same class that Maggie is being moved into.

To say that I am not in a mental state to process this information would be like saying an ice cube is not a glacier. So, by the time I read the paper and start the process of collecting my children, I am nearly crying in KinderCare. I would not have been able to explain WHY I was crying other than "Change is hard - especially when you don't see it coming." So, I go home, (drink some wine), continue working (drink some wine), have more computer problems (shout obscenities at the monitor, drink some wine), to to the neighbor's for a break (chit chat, drink more wine), come home and work until midnight to get the documents sent out. I had told the client they'd go out on Wednesday never really anticipating that "Wednesday" would mean 11:55 PM, Pacific time.

By the time I had taken the kids to KinderCare yesterday, I had tried to sort through things in my head - separating the emotions from the objective stuff and trying not to "adult-thromorphosize" the situation - I realize that the way I would react in a given situation is not necessarily how my children will or even how I'd LIKE my children to. So, here's what it came down to:
  • Although I truly love Ms Amanda, I am okay with Ellie being moved up to the Two's class. She is two, after all. It had not been that long since she had been moved to the Toddler room - since she walked so late and because, as I came to find out, the quickest way to move a kid up is to just be a parent and advocate and ask for it to happen. But, at that point, I was so in love with Ms Kim (in the Wobbler room) that I didn't want to leave her either. I think Ellie is pretty much on target with the other kids in her class, and if they're all moving up, then so be it. She's a flexible kid, and the teachers love her. I am not too familiar with the Two's teachers and there is a higher kid to teacher ratio in there, but it should be fun. And, I may end up loving them like I love Ms Kim and Ms Amanda.
  • I am also okay with Maggie moving from Pre-school to Pre-K, although I must say that I had no real idea about the differences between them until oh, yesterday. They call the classes "Pre-A, Pre-B and Pre-K." Mags would come home and say, "I spent the afternoon in Pre-K," and I would say, "Oh great. Well, what is Ms Cheryl's class called?" She would invariably say, "Ms Cheryl's class," confirming for me that Ms Cheryl's class was so awesome that it resisted categorization into the "Pre-whatever" class naming conventions. So, I have learned that Ms Cheryl's class is "Preschool B," and in Preschool (be it A or B) the goal is to acclimate kids to daily routines and social interaction and to learn some basic fun stuff, and that in Pre-K it is more like actually getting the kids ready for Kindergarten - learning letters and numbers, etc. I think Mags is ready for letters and numbers, and she's been showing interest in all of those things lately. Also, all of her class (pretty much) is moving up to Pre-K, and I'd like her to stay with her friends.
  • I personally will have to deal with my Ms Cheryl withdrawal. If giving up Ms Amanda will be unpleasant, giving up Ms Cheryl will be something like kicking an honorary grandma to the curb, and I am not looking forward to it. Ms Cheryl has been Maggie's teacher for as long as Maggie has gone to KinderCare (Ms Cheryl switched from doing Two's to Preschool at just the right time for Mags to stay with her all along), and she recognizes her little quirks as well as I do, and that is saying something. She knows everything about Maggie - where she likes to go for breakfast, how she freezes when strangers try to talk to her, how she needs to give me three kisses, three hugs and open the door for me when I drop her off... Okay, suffice it to say that I woke up at 2:45 last night and did not get back to sleep because I was having dreams about Ms Cheryl and how Mags will transition to Pre-K. God, I hope Maggie is almost in the realm of okay when I try to leave her in Pre-K next week. If not, I have left crying, screaming children in the able hands of KinderCare staff before, and I'm sure I will someday do it again, and maybe it won't be all that long until Ellie gets to hang out with Ms Cheryl.
  • As for being put into Ms Chanel's Pre-B class while most of the names I recognized were in Ms Danielle's Pre-A class - Well, that was something that drove me bonkers because for one thing, talking to Ms Chanel is like communicating with a helium balloon that is constantly squeaking out a little air. It doesn't matter if it's rainy or sunny, evening or morning or if you're 2 or 39, Ms Chanel talks to you like she has just taken a little too much Zoloft. And, this would drive me completely insane if I had to talk with her every day. And, I don't think Maggie needs someone talking to her day in and day out like you'd talk to a newborn puppy. Plus, I have seen over time that teachers who come into KinderCare with that kind of "aren't I happy" facade typically burn out quickly and leave (usually sobbing, running out of the building with their hands clamped over their faces) - which would have a negative impact on Mags, should she decide that she actually like Ms Chanel. And, I wanted her to be with Carter and Lauren, who are consistently among the people she plans to invite to her "best birthday" - which is Maggie's highest form of compliment. So, yesterday, I mentioned to Ms Amber and Ms Darcie that I wanted Mags to be in the other Pre-K class, which is twice as big as Ms Chanel's class - but also has two teachers - so, if one leaves, there's still one around who will know the kids. And, she'll be with her friends. And, the classroom is even in the front of the building with more windows than the other room, yada, yada.
  • So, Mags won't start kindergarten for another two years because she missed the deadline by a bit by being born in October as she was. How poor of us as parents to do such a lame job with our planning, huh? I learned yesterday that KinderCare also has full-day kindergarten, so next year, she wouldn't be stuck spending a second year in Pre-K. She can spend one year in KinderCare Kindergarten and (probably) another in public school Kindergarten, but such is life. At least that's not something to worry about right now.
  • So, why am I awake at night? Good question. I think I've made the best choices I can. I think it would have been so very much easier if they had given us all more than a few days' notice. They are switching classes early (during the summer) to avoid having the change coincide with a visit from some accrediting organization - so that everything will have returned to "normal" by the time anyone from the outside comes to observe. I'm just thinking if they'd been planning this for a while, as I'm sure they had, they could have told us so we could prepare the kids (or maybe just prepare ourselves) a little better.

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