Ticks - or Why Jersey Sucks (Literally) #1

See these lush green woods? Don't you just want to go hiking on this lovely June day?

NO! You do not! Unless you want to play host to these little spawns of Satan... and I'm not even talkin' about the Lyme-disease-ridden deer ticks. These are just giant blood-sucking parasites that turn an afternoon in the outdoors into a bad horror movie.



All during my trip to Jersey, I kept noticing how beautiful and green and summery everything looked - I hadn't been on the east coast in the nice weather for years... But even as I looked, a little red flag went up in my head saying, "You know what's out there..." Then, I went to Liz's house, and the first thing she said was, "Wait 'til you see what I plucked off my head this morning..." and I knew exactly where the conversation was heading.

Which reminds me of when I first came to the west coast and was working with a client and staying at the Embassy Suites in Beaverton. The night I arrived, while showering, I found a tick lodged in my back. I was alone, freaking out and forced to use my best MacGuyver skills to save myself. If it had been stuck in my arm, I probably would have just gnawed the whole appendage off - there was that kind of adrenaline flowing. I knew that Vaseline could be used to smother the tick and then you're supposed to be able to pick him off when he comes up for air. But, I had no Vaseline, so that night I found out that a combination of toothpaste and sheer terror will actually kill a tick. The next day, I went to the doctor with (minty-fresh) dead tick in hand. I was told not to worry because really, there wasn't a problem with Lyme disease in the Pacific Northwest. Then, I told them that I was from New Jersey and that this tick was a little bit of unauthorized carry-on luggage. Next thing I know, every staff member from the entire clinic had converged in my exam room to steal a look. Alas, no long-term effects, but yeah, Jersey ticks. Good times.